An Open Letter To Jane Lynch

by Amy Lindorff

Dear Jane,

You were great in Best in Show and I loved your Weeds cameo. You really opened my eyes to my own skinnyfat. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stomach Glee. I tried, I really did. I watched the pilot and thought it didn’t suck. Once season one got going I watched the first half or so and then gave up. I was fast-forwarding through all the songs because I found them hard to listen to. It’s not the cast’s fault either – I was raised by a man who had incredibly high standards for music and as a result, there are a lot of things I cannot enjoy. Then I started skipping all the scenes that had Matthew Morrison’s wife in them because I couldn’t stand hearing her speak. Then (and this broke my heart) I started skipping your scenes. It was too much Sue. You drove me crazy. I’m still not sure why. At that point, I was really only watching about 15 minutes of each episode and decided to just call it quits. I had Biggest Loser to watch anyway and was still sort of trying at the whole ‘be a student/go to class/do all the readings’ thing, so that was that for me and Glee. I hope you can forgive me.

But what I really wanted to tell you was thanks for giving me your parking spot in front of King’s Road the other day. I especially loved that you didn’t leave me any money in the meter. You’d think you could drop a few Glee quarters in there to help a lady out. Maybe next time.

Love, Amy

P.S. No offense, but my dog is infinitely more beautiful than yours.

P.P.S. Quit following my uncle Jerry around to all the coffee shops in town. I know you just wish you were as young and hip as he is, but it’s beginning to creep him out.