An Open Letter To My Allergies

by Amy Lindorff

Dear Allergies,

Thank you for not happening this year. As much as I miss Oregon, I do not miss you and am so glad that you apparently don’t exist in Los Angeles. Usually around by this time of year I have spent upwards of forty dollars on Kleenex and allergy medicine, but since I haven’t had to do that this year, I guess I get to make a fun trip to J. Crew! All those sale dresses aren’t going to buy themselves.

You’ve really done me a giant favor by not following me south. Those drives from Eugene to Hillsboro that took me through Linn County “The Grass Seed Capital of Oregon” were a whole mess of sneezing misery and I after 21 years am glad to put an end to it. Maybe the most comforting words my dear father ever said to me were “look, Amy, they’re bailing all that hay which means they cut the grass and the pollen is all gone.” That man knew how to make me feel better in times of desperation.

Thanks again and I hope you didn’t make everyone who is still up there hate themselves the past two months.

Love, Amy

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