An Open Letter To The Gamer Boys In Starbucks

by Amy Lindorff

Dear Gamer Boys,

Hi. I’m sitting behind you. The one of you wearing glasses can see that I’m here and is maybe catching on to the fact that I keep accidentally staring. Sorry.

You are playing either a mafia or Harry Potter game, I can’t tell because you keep switching the conversation back and forth between both topics. Glasses Gamer’s coffee is too sweet. I’ve been there, that’s rough. Sorry about that too.

Upon closer inspection, you are both wearing glasses. The above references were to the one of you who didn’t bring his own mouse mad and wireless mouse. Now I’ll have to refer to you as Tanner, because I am 95% sure that you could be the shorter identical twin brother of the guy named Tanner who lived on the boys floor of my dorm at UO. I think actual Tanner might have gotten married, in which case, congrats, actual Tanner.

Okay. Now it sounds like you are planning to kill Voldemort. Judging by the one screen I can see, you are in the Forbidden Forest and Voldy is upping his defenses so you are now showcasing your flexibility skills and sparing him, but killing someone else (a Death Eater, I assume). Now there is a role switch? I don’t even know that that is.

Wait now I get it. There are two games. HP and some mafia thing (I did a little research and I think it is this). I’m really impressed that you are playing at a Starbucks instead of in a basement somewhere. I mean, if I was on trial for a conspiracy against the town I would probably just stay home and cry so good job facing your troubles head on in public. You also both look relatively normal, well-adjusted, and recently bathed. You have forever changed my perception of gamer boys.

Love, Amy

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