An Open Letter To The Emmys

by Amy Lindorff

Dear Emmys,

Last year, I wrote an article about who I thought should win the Emmys so let’s do that again:

  • Outstanding Drama Series (Boardwalk Empire/Dexter/Friday Night Lights/Game of Thrones/The Good Wife/Mad Men): I only saw a few episodes of Boardwalk Empire. They were somewhere in the middle and I had no idea what was going on. It didn’t seem terrible though. Dexter was ruined thanks to Julia Stiles. Game of Thrones and the Good Wife are mysteries to me and Mad Men ended all ridiculous with Don’s engagement. That leaves Friday Night Lights. I spent my final term of college watching FNL instead of going to class and good lord was it worth it. The fifth season was television perfection and if it doesn’t win, I might cry even more than I did at the series finale.
  • Outstanding Comedy Series (The Big Bang Theory/Glee/Modern Family/The Office/Parks and Recreation/30 Rock): I only care about two things in this category. 1. Glee wins NOTHINGITISSOTERRIBLEWHYDOPEOPLEWATCHIT. 2. Modern Family and Parks and Recreation share the win because choosing between them is what I imagine choosing a favorite child would be like.
  • Outstanding Actor in a Drama (Steve Buscemi/Kyle Chandler/Michael C. Hall/Jon Hamm/Hugh Laurie/Timothy Olyphant): Kyle Chandler. Duh.
  • Outstanding Actress in a Drama (Kathy Bates/Connie Britton/Mireille Enos/Mariska Hargitay/Julianna Margulies/Elisabeth Moss): Connie Britton. Also duh.
  • Outstanding Actor in a Comedy (Alec Baldwin/Steve Carell/Louie C.K./Johnny Galecki/Matt LeBlanc/Jim Parsons): LOUIE. Have you watched that show? Louie. Louie. Louie.
  • Outstanding Actress in a Comedy (Edie Falco/Tina Fey/Laura Linney/Melissa McCarthy/Martha Plimpton/Amy Poehler): “Hello everyone, I’m Leslie Monster.” Just give it to Amy Poehler she’s so great.
  • Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama (Andre Braugher/Josh Charles/Alan Cumming/Peter Dinklage/Walton Goggins/John Slattery): The only one of these names I can place in a show is John Slattery and he is not my favorite of the Mad Men, so do what you want, Emmys.
  • Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama (Christina Baranski/Michelle Forbes/Christina Hendricks/Kelly MacDonald/Margo Martindale/Archie Panjabi): I love Margo Martindale in everything I’ve seen her in so even though I only saw half an episode of Justified she should probably win.
  • Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy (Ty Burrell/Chris Colfer/John Cryer/Jesse Tyler Ferguson/Ed O’Neill/Eric Stonestreet): If it can’t be Nick Offerman, then it has to be Eric Stonestreet. Though Ty Burrell still has my favorite Modern Family quote of all time: “Why do I have to see a French movie, I didn’t do anything wrong!”
  • Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy (Julie Bowen/Jane Krakowski/Jane Lynch/Sofia Vergara/Betty White/Kristen Wiig): If you’re going to give Kristen Wiig an award, it should be for Bridesmaids not SNL. Julie Bowen must be rewarded for being still being able to carry on as a human, let alone a very funny one, after suffering through the role of Mrs. Dr. Jack Shepherd.
  • Outstanding Variety/Music/Comedy Series (The Colbert Report/Conan/The Daily Show/Late Night With Jimmy Fallon/Real Time With Bill Maher/SNL): I have never watched a clip of Fallon and though anything other than ‘wow, that was sort of amazing.’
  • Outstanding Reality Competition Program: (The Amazing Race/American Idol/Dancing With the Stars/Project Runway/So You Think You Can Dance/Top Chef): TOP CHEF. They make beautiful food and manage to do it without coming off as ridiculously staged and over produced like most other reality shows, cooking themed especially (Gordon Ramsay I am looking at you).
  • Outstanding Reality Program (Antiques Roadshow/Deadliest Catch/Hoarders/Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List/Mythbusters/Undercover Boss): Mythbusters. Why is anything else even nominated?
  • Outstanding Host – Reality Show/Reality Competition (Tom Bergeron/Cat Deeley/Phil Keoghan/Jeff Probst/Ryan Seacrest): I don’t like any of these people. Sorry.

I’m not going to say anything about the Miniseries business because the only one of those I saw was The Kennedys. I made it through two episodes and it was awful. As long as they don’t get any awards I’ll be happy.

Love, Amy