An Open Letter To Danny Zuker

by Amy Lindorff

Dear Danny,

You might have the best Twitter of all time. Your tweets make me laugh even harder than Modern Family does, which is quite impressive. I follow about 60 people, which I think is not very many so maybe this doesn’t mean much, but you are the most entertaining of the bunch. I also think that, based on your tweets, you and I would get along really well. Examples:

  • “Based on the way I’m coping with this minor leg rash I don’t think I will be one of those inspirational dying people.” You have no idea how many hours I spent on WebMD trying to identify the fifteen bug bites I had about a month ago. Was convinced I had this even though I live in LA, not the Midwest and didn’t have any of the symptoms. 2% of cases are fatal!
  • “It’s hot enough to fry a climate change denier on the sidewalk.” I have a degree in Environmental Studies so I can explain to you why this is true. Or would be able to if I hadn’t taken all the science classes pass/fail and instead of doing homework watched every single episode of The Larry Sanders Show on Netflix.
  • “I always have a brief moment of panic whenever I hear a siren in the middle of the night or have to spell “Wednesday.”” For me, it’s ‘rhythm,’ but same basic idea. Where are you even supposed to begin when there are no vowels?
  • “I never look more guilty of stealing a credit card than when a person checks my i.d. when I charge something.” I had enough problems with this as a PA that the Production Manager typed up a letter saying I was allowed to use the show AmEx card.
  • “Always takes my brain a second to realize I’m looking at a picture of Rebekah Brooks and not some lesser known faculty member at Hogwarts.” Agreed. And Hogwarts jokes are my favorite kind of jokes.

Please don’t ever stop tweeting or writing funny television. I’d be so sad.

Love, Amy

P.S. I wrote one of these to Craig Ferguson once and he gave me a job on his show. I am in a similar sort of unemployed state right now. Your move.

P.P.S. Good job on the Emmy front.

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