Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Month: September, 2011

An Open Letter To Today

Dear Today,

Thank you for being the best day of all time. Here is what made you so great, roughly in chronological order:

  1. Matt the King’s Road barista asked where I had been recently and said to come have breakfast on Sunday and hang out with him while he baristaed.
  2. Johnny at King’s Road told me I looked so pretty.
  3. I had a great meeting with Hallie.
  4. Jerry and I had Chipotle for lunch.
  5. I had just enough hours at work to earn some money but not get mad.
  6. Erica and I had Yogurtland and a great conversation.
  7. I picked up my MacBook from the Apple Store. They replaced the display AND battery at no charge no me and it was shiny new and clean.
  8. I hung out and watched TV with Bridger and broke in the MacBook again by getting a fair amount of chocolate on the keyboard.
  9. I now have A LOT of gum.
  10. There is going to be a very fresh start in the boy department.
  11. Jerry brought home surprise Taco Bell.
  12. I got mail from baby sister kitten Emily, the best 14 year old person who exists on the face of the earth.
  13. It is the last day of September, which has been the least fun month so far this year.
  14. It is the last night sleeping on the sofabed at Blackburn Station. Tomorrow I have a real life Blackburn bedroom.

Thank you for all of this and let’s go, October. We are going to have FUN. Everything is going my way.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To NBC

Dear NBC,

So we’re in the second week of this Whitney business and all I have to say is thank you for giving me an extra half hour every Thursday night to read (or go to El Carmen and have margaritas, depending on how things happen to be going) instead of watching TV. This is the only way I can look at this situation and not cry about the fact that this garbage exists and 30 Rock is not airing. I got through exactly three minutes and thirty-five seconds of Whitney and was mad that I didn’t instead spend that time trying to make a left turn onto Fairfax out of the 3rd Street Whole Foods parking lot. Terrible. I laughed exactly zero times.

I know that Tina Fey had a baby so she is probably busy and that 30 Rock will come back soon. But GOOD GOD. Couldn’t you have replaced it with something funny? Or a full hour of Parks and Recreation every week? A half hour of that could even be reruns, I don’t care. I will watch that. Otherwise I’ll be reading Shopgirl by Steve Martin because no one told me how FANTASTIC that book is before now and I am in love. Sorry, Whitney. The waiter from The Muppet Movie wins at life again.

Good news for me, though: Happy Endings is back and Cheryl Hines is sort of awesome so far on Suburgatory. Those two developments, along with the continuing magic of Modern Family mean that Wednesdays on ABC are quickly becoming my new go to comedy night. Your move, guys.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Champagne Grapes

Dear Champagne Grapes,

Where have you been my whole life? You are so delicious! Small and sweet and able to make any salad be immediately more fun to eat. No trip to Trader Joe’s will now be complete until I’ve bought you. Looking forward to eating a lot of you in the future.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Ryan Gosling

Dear Ryan,

RELAX. You are handsome so just deal with it. I’ve known it since sixth grade at Becky’s birthday sleepover when we all watched Remember the Titans about a dozen times and kept pausing it whenever you were on the screen. Even when you threw up. We loved you still. If you were uncomfortable with being handsome, you shouldn’t have been in Crazy, Stupid Love. I’m sure it must be weird for you, but just accept it. Things could be worse.

Was hung up on this for basically all of middle school.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To President Obama

Dear Mr. President,

In 2008, you said that “the problem is not that folks are trying to avoid getting health care; the problem is they can’t afford it.” Wrong. The problem is that I can’t get to the building where there is a man who is going to explain my options and help me with the application and take care of getting me all set up with a reasonably priced plan. I can’t get there because you are in town and it is taking an hour to drive five miles. Even for LA, that is bad traffic. Get out of my way so I can get the healthcare that you are trying to make sure everyone can have.

Thanks!

Love, Amy