An Open Letter To Jonah Hill

by Amy Lindorff

Dear Jonah,

In March 2010 Rebecca Tucker changed my life. Thanks to her, Jerry and I went to a taping of The Late Late Show and so began my quick slide into telling U of O to suck it and moving to Hollywood. Lucky you, you got to be there! You happened to be the first guest at that taping, followed by some random, forgettable blonde. I went into and left that taping sort of hating you. I didn’t think you were funny, charming, endearing, anything. You were just there, in those movies, doing things with Michael Cera that were keeping him from being in an Arrested Development movie.

Then I saw Moneyball. I know enough about baseball to come into a game during any inning and be able to figure out what is going on and that Jorge Posada is the catcher for the Yankees, but not enough to know the story of this movie or who Billy Beane is. So I wasn’t totally sure what to expect. I’m not super into sports movies as a genre, though I was a big fan of the Mighty Ducks series and Cool Runnings. The trailer had looked good and I needed some Brad Pitt handsome to tide me over until Ides of March and all its Ryan Gosling/George Clooney glory. Brad let me down on that front, but the movie as a whole was incredible. It made me want to watch baseball. More importantly for this letter, it made me like you! I thought you were funnier than you’ve ever been in anything of yours that I’ve seen. I think that part of why I was never a fan of yours was because I wasn’t in love with the kind of humor you did and everything I saw seemed to be exactly the same. In Moneyball, you were so much more clever, subtle and almost deadpan at times and it was so much fun to see you doing something different.

I know that this is mostly a Brad Pitt movie. He was great and a big part of why I enjoyed it, but I enjoyed you most of all. In just two hours you managed to take years of indifference and turn it into true love. Nice work. I can’t wait for the next awesome thing that you do.

But the REAL reason I am writing this is because you should probably ask me to be your date to the Oscars. You should definitely be nominated and it’s never too early to start making plans. I already have a short list of dresses. Let me know when I should start narrowing down.

Love, Amy

P.S. I cannot believe that Lion King 3D is maybe going to beat you on your opening weekend. That is absolutely baffling. I mean, it is as classic as a Disney movie can get but still. It didn’t need to be ‘improved’ in any way and this 3D business is getting out of control. Even more appalling is the fact that you are “neck and neck” with a movie about a dolphin with a prosthetic tail. With Harry Connick Jr. And Ashley Judd. Even as a child I wouldn’t have been able to stop rolling my eyes at that. And I LOVED dolphins.

(Sub Open Letter To Chris Pratt: I love you too and had no idea you were in this! I’ve been a big fan since Everwood and with Parks back and then this little surprise visit from you, this has been a good week in movies and television. Love, Amy)