Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Month: December, 2011

An Open Letter To Awards Season

Dear Awards Season,

So you’re in full swing. The screeners have been pouring into my mailbox (courtesy of a WGAW card holding uncle) and nominations have been announced by a number of different groups. So far, The Help has been nominated for the most SAG awards of any other film this year, and five Golden Globes, including Best Drama.

This is absolutely insane. There is no way that this movie (which dragged on for days and I believe was marketed initially as a comedy) is one of the top five dramas of the year. Just. No. Way. Maybe it was moved into the drama category because there is exactly one laugh in the entire thing, so the powers that be couldn’t justify it as a comedy? Maybe those same powers assumed that because it deals with race issues it automatically qualifies as An Important Film? Bottom line The Help was boring and not a well made film. It even made me not adore Emma Stone, which I had previously thought impossible. If this is where you are headed this year, Awards Season, I will not be enjoying you as much as usual.

Love, Amy

P.S. While we’re at it – where are all the nominations for Louie? You know that show is the best right? You must. I’m assuming you’ll be issuing a retraction and removing Glee from the Golden Globes Best TV Comedy or Musical list and putting Louie in there. Just because it says “or Musical” doesn’t mean that you HAVE to include a terrible show about nonsense and idiots singing. I mean, really.

An Open Letter To Lego

Dear Lego,

If you want girls to play with Legos, just let girls play with Legos. You don’t have to pretend that Legos are actually a dollhouse or a lame version of Teacher Barbie. Girls really deserve a lot more credit than that. It seems like half of all Lego sets made today are Star Wars related (at least from what I’ve seen), which I have absolutely no problem with. I know at least as many girls who like those movies as boys. Also, when I was a young girl myself, I CONSTANTLY played with Legos. I remember your earlier stabs at girl Legos. I also remember thinking “why are the Legos such weird, seafoam colors? No cool car, or spaceship, or elaborate fortress is going to use this color.”

1994. Before I had really refined my car building skills.

If girls really want to “‘shrink down and be there,'” let them play with Barbies. Legos are not Barbies. Legos are Legos. Just make cool blocks that kids can build stuff with.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To The Wolf And Deer From ‘Once Upon A Time’

Dear Wolf and Deer,

I would have liked you better if you were Bambi and Harry Potter’s Lupin in werewolf form. Those guys were infinitely more awesome than your cheapo CGI forms. I’m sure they had more money that the TV show you’re on, but I really couldn’t focus on anything else the entire episode. For which I suppose I should thank you, since most of it was J. Mo. and that Tristan MacManus wannabe staring deeply into each other’s eyes and whispering cliches about love.

Love, Amy

An(other) Open Letter To Netflix

Dear Netflix,

Very glad I cancelled my subscription now. Wouldn’t want everyone to know just how many episodes of Say Yes To The Dress I have watched or how long it took me to get through all four seasons of Breaking Bad.

Love, Amy

P.S. The answers are “all of them” and “about two weeks,” respectively.

An Open Letter To People Who Keep More Than One Browser In Their Dock

Dear People Who Keep More Than Once Browser In Their Dock,

One will do the trick I believe. Are you keeping all of them (Chrome, Safari, AND Firefox) down there for ‘technical computer software hardware I hope one of these words is right’ reasons or do you just have commitment issues? Long ago, I went with Firefox because it had the cutest icon. You should probably follow my lead. It is a VERY good system.

Love, Amy