Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Month: January, 2012

An Open Letter To Single People

Dear Single People,

This is both and open letter and a public service announcement. Take a look at these two people:

Dusty and Me (Amy)

We are cousins. Not boyfriend and girlfriend. In fact, we are both single. Just FYI. Clearing up the confusion once and for all.

Love, Amy


An Open Letter To Newt Gingrich’s Moon Base

Dear Newt Gingrich’s Moon Base,

You must be really embarrassed right about now. It is great news that Gingrich thought of you because I would absolutely love to come visit, but then Mr. Awesome Gene Cernan and a bunch of his space loving buddies didn’t even endorse Newt. Instead, they went for Mitt Romeny, in this open letter. Open letters are all the rage on earth, FYI.

Maybe it was because Gingrich said that he was going to create you 2020? Was the phrase “[Romney’s] approach to space policy will produce results instead of empty promises” a fun little passive agressive nod at the absurdity of you? I’m almost certain that a moon base will take a lot longer than eight years to establish and will cost a TON of money that probably everyone in the government will be mad about.

Eugene Cernan is kick ass and his book is amazing. I will probably still not vote for Romney because space awesomeness isn’t quite enough to overcome other things about him that I can’t get over but if he wins and space gets really exciting and a moon base is actually built at some point I will be there ASAP.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To My Facebook Friends

Dear Facebook Friends,

I’m going to spare you a lot of time and energy so get ready to shower thanks upon me. Instead of letting Hulu tell Facebook (and thus all of you) what I’ve been watching I’ll write a summary right here, right now:

I watched every available episode of Parks and Recreation an average of six times each and occasionally started the new episode of Modern Family before remembering that I had it on on the actual TV the night before while I was doing dishes.

Yes, I realize this is a lot of times.

Now you know. Please express your thanks in Plancha Pesos, remembering that a Tiger Taco costs $3.25.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To The City Of Los Angeles

Dear Los Angeles,

Suggestion: fence in the Hollywood Hills so that Curious can run free.

Get that leash off of her.

Love, Amy

P.S. This solution provides the added bonus of keeping all the tourists out of the hills and eliminates the chance that they might tell Jerry how to live on his own property and what he should or should not be doing with his dogs.

P.P.S. Isn’t she the prettiest dog?

An Open Letter To Google Chrome

Dear Google Chrome,

On Wednesday I got PISSED OFF at Firefox and uninstalled the hell out of that jerk. You and I have been getting along great but if this is any sort of sign of things to come we are going to have to have a frank discussion about our relationship moving forward:

Do you see that full complement of wireless bars? I am set. All the other websites are loading just fine. Please figure it out, I am trying to fill out that bookmarks folder labeled “SHOPPING.”

Love, Amy