An Open Letter To People Who Text Me When My iPhone Is In Its Dock

by Amy Lindorff

Dear People Who Text Me When My iPhone Is In Its Dock,

When you do this I have to lean all the way over to the other side of the bed to my IKEA knock off (believe it) bedside table, to where my iPhone dock sits and plays music at me, through my iPhone. I have an iPhone now in case there were any of you I hadn’t yet told and/or shown.

This vast, two and a half foot expanse is riddled with pillows, blankets, hair ties that fell out in the night, occasionally a bobby pin (ouchie), and books I’m “in the middle of.” There is extreme danger here and it sometimes hurts to stretch my arm that far and once my computer cord got tangled and it became a huge problem.

Please start thinking about my comfort and safety next time you text me asking if I’d like to go somewhere that night. Do you really think that I want to change out of my sweatpants into at least jeans, possibly a dress, AGAIN? I just did that when I woke up this morning for work. Leave me be in my natural state.

Love, Amy

P.S. For the one of you who texted me during the perfect storm of ‘iPhone In Dock AND Thor Peacefully Resting With His Head On My Arm’ consider yourself DELETED FROM MY CONTACTS.

P.P.S. The reason I bought an IKEA knock off table instead of just going to IKEA is because I’d rather drive to the Target on La Brea than drive to Burbank (yuck) just to buy a $7 table. The gas to get there and back costs more than that, IMR. (“I Mean Really” for those of you who don’t receive a daily text from me including that acronym, A.K.A. aren’t Bridger.)

P.P.P.S. I don’t care what you think of me for having an IKEA knock off bedside table because my desk is actually from IKEA but people think it’s Design Within Reach. Somehow this makes everything even out.