Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Month: February, 2012

An Open Letter To This Public Auction

Dear Public Auction,

Can’t believe I missed you! Is that the stone from Titanic turned into a ring? Wish I had been able to check out all your sweet deals.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To This Coffee Shop Patron

Dear Coffee Shop Patron,

So your big idea of the morning was to treat your self to a “fresh squeezed orange juice with lots of ice?” Are you aware that for the same price (I’m guessing $4) you can get an entire bottle of orange juice at Ralph’s and add as much ice as you want? Or you could buy a ton of oranges and squeeze them yourself. If you’re requesting all that ice there is going to be about a tablespoon of actual orange juice involved. Not a huge bang for your buck.

But do whatever you want. I’m sure the baristas enjoy a change of pace from all the no-fat-vanilla-lattes people are demanding today.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Whoever Searched This

Dear Whoever Searched This,

While I totally get your curiosity and have made this search myself, you might double check your subject-verb agreement.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Taylor Kitsch

Dear Taylor,

Every morning I go to King’s Road. Except last Tuesday. That morning, I was busy and of course, it was the one morning you decide to go. My cousin-roommate, Dustin saw you there and told me all about it, but it just isn’t the same as seeing all your handsome in person.

Tim Riggins was my biggest television crush since I was five and obsessed with Kevin Arnold from The Wonder Years and Friday Night Lights continues to be my favorite drama of all time. I know you were probably only at King’s because you have a big movie coming out and your publicist probably thought there’d be paparazzi nearby, but on the off chance that you fell in love with the coffee and plan on coming back, I really hope to see you. Though it might be for the best. I’m sure I would have embarrassed myself.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To This News Article

Dear Article,

Wow. A lot going on with you. A list:

  • Do I have to like Ashley Tisdale if Louis C.K. is willing to let her be in a show he wrote? I’m going to be my own person on this and go with no. I’ve seen more episodes of The Suite Life than I am proud to admit and she is just too much to handle.
  • ABC is doing a drama pilot called Beauty and the Beast? Do none of the executives remember that Once Upon A Time, another ABC show just did a Beauty and the Beast story and it was super lame?
  • Does any of TV really need another “fantasy reimagining” show?
  • I had no idea there had been a pilot called Poe. I would have watched that. At least until I read that it was a police procedural starring Poe. Maybe it’s for the best that that didn’t happen.
  • CW is also doing a pilot called Beauty and the Beast? There are other fairy tales, you know.

I have learned so much today and it isn’t even noon.

Thanks a million.

Love, Amy