An Open Letter To ‘Woman In Black’

by Amy Lindorff

Dear Woman In Black,

Wait, so you aren’t a girl power sequel to Men In Black? You are a Daniel Radcliffe vehicle? In which he apparently has horrible sideburns? This is extremely disappointing.

I guess I can get excited about a creepy British accent movie that, from the pictures, looks like it might be able to pass visually for a Jane Eyre kind of thing, but does anyone really want to watch Daniel Radcliffe so anything but play Quidditch and sneer at Malfoy? And I’m supposed to believe he’s a widower? He’s a child! A boy wizard forever in my mind. If you were actually a movie starring Emma Watson, defending the planet from a second alien invasion, assisted by an annoying bespectacled sidekick (Radcliffe, obviously) and a kickass older mentor (Maggie Smith) who fought the aliens once before and is now too feeble so she puts all her trust in Emma, I’d pay full ticket price at The Grove on opening weekend. As it stands, I will either never see this, or wait until it pops up on my roommate’s Netflix. Best of luck.

Love, Amy

 

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