An Open Letter To ‘The Bachelor’s’ Helicopter Pilot

by Amy Lindorff

Dear Helicopter Pilot for The Bachelor,

When is someone going to give you a show? I would gladly spend two hours every Monday night hearing about things from your perspective rather than watching Ben be weird around the remaining two boring ladies and Crazy Courtney.

You must have so many fun stories! Not only are you a helicopter pilot who has flown over Sonoma, San Francisco, Utah, Puerto Rico, Panama, Belize, and Switzerland (and that’s just this season!) but you’ve probably heard these looking for love weirdoes say all kinds of embarrassing things. I’m not sure when helicopters became the default mode of transport on this program but are you as surprised as I am that the ladies are still always so surprised to see you? And that they all develop crippling fears of heights and/or flying that can only be conquered through the power of love?

If the ABC execs ever do greenlight a reality series about your excursions, please tell them that I would like to be part of the production staff. OR, even better, I would love to (possibly along with Erica, my partner in Tumblr crime) be the writing staff for that show. Trust me – I’ve seen enough of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette to know the style. Maybe the show is about you looking for love among female (or male, if you are in fact a woman – girl power!) pilots. I would write all kinds of dialogue like this:

I’ve been so close to the action, seeing other people fall in love and find that person they’re supposed to be with. Now it’s my turn. I’ve been on the outside of this situation for so long and I need my time for me to finally stop flying other people to their love, and soar my way into the heart of the person I’m supposed to be with.

My email is in the sidebar. Hope to hear from you soon.

Love, Amy