An Open Letter To Robin Thicke
by Amy Lindorff
Dear Robin Thicke,
I am trying very, very hard to like Duets. Jennifer Nettles seems to be able to sing anything and Kelly Clarkson is hilarious, adorable, and I’m currently going through a weird phase where all Spotify will play for me is her newest album (as well as a few older KC classics).
But you’re ruining it for everyone.
John Legend is a real bore, but isn’t doing any harm. You, on the other hand, are absolutely unbearable. During the premiere I figured maybe you were just excited and going overboard, but that you’d calm down after all the first show excitement wore off. Not so. This week featured even more nonsense, including quotes such as “you look like a bag of Skittles and I love Skittles” (the gal in question was wearing mostly black and I’m almost certain there’s no black Skittle) and that very strange sandwich analogy you made. I know a fair amount about sandwiches and that thing made no sense.
Quddus has been doing a good job of holding it together – in all his wide-eyed, semi-permanent state of surprise. He’s at his absolute best when he reveals that the first person to perform has the number one spot on the charts. As if that’s a surprise. Kelly has also been making things more bearable by speaking for me in reaction to your sandwich bit: “WHAT?” I did appreciate you giving Olivia a hard time for not learning the lyrics – but again, Kelly said it best: “wasn’t it just the one lyric? All I heard was ‘where is the love.’”
I want to like the show because the child I once was who was pretty sure she would be great in a girl band with Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears (with the occasional male backing vocal by Justin Timberlake, because these were the late nineties) loves to see normal people who all seem nice enough performing on stage with “superstars.” Especially Clarkson and Nettles. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not always up on the cool new act in music these days, since, other than those Spotify problems I’m having, I listen almost exclusively to The Band and The Black Crowes. John Legend I’d heard of; you I had to look up. Until I’d done that, I wasn’t sure you weren’t the dad from Growing Pains. The internet (and Quddus) tell me that you do music things and are somewhat popular. So that’s nice for you, but I’d prefer if you were not quite so much to handle.
Every reality show has the crazy judge – I know this. Dancing With the Stars has Bruno, all those Gordon Ramsay shows have, well, Gordon Ramsay, America’s Next Top Model had Janice Dickinson for a while. But Duets already has Jennifer Nettles and her brand of crazy (featuring two sequined vests in as many weeks) is much more enjoyable than your brand of creepy.
But all of them are at least a little bit fun to watch. You’re just creepy. So could you maybe tone it down a little bit? Also, will the show always be a two hour event? Because I’m not sure I’ll be able to stick with it if that’s the case. Let me know on both fronts. I’m also a bit worried about your comment that next week is “Speedo Week.” I want no part of that.