Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Month: December, 2012

An Open Letter To Chris Brody

chris-brodyDear Chris Brody,

Get off my television. Go play hearts with Finn Walden somewhere far, far away and never again comment to your father about how many televisions are in your CIA safe house if I can hear you.

You are ruining Homeland for me and that is at least light treason.

Love Hate and repulsion, Amy

P.S. It’s not your fault, Jackson Pace. You didn’t write such a dopey character for yourself.


An Open Letter To AT&T U-Verse

Dear AT&T U-Verse,

We have three issues to resolve:

  1. In July I was promised a $100 gift card from you if I kept my service for 30 days. It’s now December and I’m still filling my DVR with movies I’ll never watch and Lifetime remakes of the classics, so pony up – I’ve got my eye on a dress at Nordstrom Rack.
  2. In October you sent me a $10 gift card thanking me for my 6 months of loyal service (apparently you can’t count from July to October, which is troubling). I appreciate the gesture, but after I activated it and tried to buy a bunch of mini pies at Simple Things it was declined. Let’s work together to solve this problem.
  3. My final issue has a more relaxed deadline. By the start of the 2013 college football season, I’d appreciate if you could please carry the PAC-12 Network so I can watch my handsome, Hawaiian boyfriend Marcus Mariota and the Oregon Ducks – and not just during the weeks their games air on ESPN.

Thanks so much. Hugs and kisses all around.

Love, Amy