An Open Letter to My New Boots

by Amy Lindorff

Hey guys,

Welcome. You live here now, but instead of risking your cleanliness by shoving you under the shelf by the front door with all the other shoes, I’m going to keep you safe in the bedroom by the shoes I never wear. But don’t listen to what they have to say. The red boots that actually look kind of like you but have a taller heel will try to tell you that you’ll never get worn. But you feel like pillows and are a beautiful dark charcoal grey, where they are kind of uncomfortable actually and a weird red color that doesn’t really go with anything. They are ungrateful idiots who should just be glad I rescued them from some Urban Outfitters warehouse and at least gave them a nice home.

The black heels will also be like, “Amy is the worst and we just sit here doing nothing,” but guess what? They are the worst and pinch my pinky toe. So there. Honestly, where am I really going to wear a pair of black heels? Acceptable work attire at my place of business is bare feet and a hoodie.

But with you guys it will be different. As you know, you have already gone to work! Wasn’t it fun?! You even got to walk to the food truck and get a burrito. What a great day that was. You are comfortable and beautiful and practical for many occasions. I can dress you up or down and you go with basically all the clothes I own.

Here’s to a wonderful life together. I promise to get you resoled if needed and never only occasionally spill coffee on you while walking to the car in the morning.