Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Month: March, 2015

An Open Letter to LA Bikers

Dear LA Bikers,

If you are going to not wear a helmet, talk on your cell phone, and not stop at stop signs, then I don’t want to share the road with you at all.

Love, Amy

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An Open Letter to This Busser at Joan’s on Third

Dear Busser at Joan’s on Third,

I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name on your name tag, but you are the one who learned a little lesson about gender norms and making assumptions the other day.

I (a female in her mid-twenties) was there on the patio with my uncle (a man in his mid-forties). We were just chatting about whatever, waiting for our food, which you brought to the table. Instead of asking who had the salad and who had the sandwich filled with cheese and meat, you plopped that salad right down in front of my without a second thought, and gave the sandwich to my uncle.

Here is the thing, though. I did not want any part of a salad from Joan’s. Some days I do, but not that day. And my uncle isn’t even eating bread right now. So maybe next time, please ask who ordered what instead of just being all “oh here’s a young gal she gets a salad, obv,” and walking away.

It’s a brave new world these days, full of women who want to eat a sandwich.

The more you know.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter to Ridley Scott

Dear Ridley Scott,

Today I saw this doodle you doodled and got REAL excited:

#teamdoodleoneverything

I listened to The Martian on Audible in just three sittings and it might just be the best book I’ve read in years. Probably this movie will be great, but I would like to go on the record as saying “Please don’t mess this up,” just in case.

Love, Amy

PS: Will theaters be serving Martian Coffee on opening night or what?

An Open Letter to Robin Wright’s Throat Circle Thing

Robin-Wright-cast-of-House-of-Cards

Dear Robin Wright’s Throat Circle Thing,

Man, what are you? I’m guessing your are some combination of tendons and vocal cords and other throat area kinds of things, but are you like a common occurrence in female throats? Are you only present in Robin Wright? Are you the result of some trauma or procedure or just an anomaly? I am so curious about you because after three seasons of House of Cards, it’s safe to say we have spent some time together. I’ve stared at you for probably just shy of 39 hours (accounting for the House of Cards scenes you aren’t in). Someone has to know why you are there.

If you find that person and they would like to tell me, great. I’ll be in front of the mirror trying to figure out if I have one of you too!

Love, Amy