An Open Letter to Halloween
by Amy Lindorff
Let the record show that in March 2015, Jon and I decided what we would be for you. We will do it this time, we promise. I know last year we had it all planned out and then ordered in sushi and watched TV in bed instead. I know we let you down. But this year it will be different. This year we will come through for you.
See the thing is, we don’t really care about you. We are more of Thanksgiving people. Thanksgiving is the shit. You get to sleep in, watch some parade if you want (or just like, read a book, or do whatever), help cook a side dish or two, maybe try your hand at a turkey, eat tons of food, sit around with people you love, and just enjoy life. You don’t have to wear a costume or buy anyone a present, or do anything really. It’s great.
You, on the other hand, require a lot of effort. There’s the costumes, sure, but there’s also the debate about which party to go to, and then is it raining, and how will the rain affect the hair chalk I was going to use, and where will we park, and should we just get a Lyft, and is Lyft going to take every last penny from everyone’s savings because of surge pricing or whatever, and it’s a weeknight maybe so I can’t even be too hungover, and just on and on and who even cares. I will see all these people at another party in two weeks for someone’s birthday probably.
But this year you are on a Saturday and our costume plans don’t involve hair chalk, or even any kind of chalk at all! I won’t tell you what we’re going to be because the surprise is half the fun, but we are very excited and cannot wait.
So here’s to Halloween 2015, for which I won’t be totally lazy like in 2013 and just wear all my leopard print clothing items and call it a night. Don’t let us down.