An Open Letter to the Vampire Squirrels of Borneo

by Amy Lindorff

Dear Vampire Squirrels of Borneo,

Congrats on your fluffy tails! You were probably always out there in the jungle going, “yeah, so here is my fluffy tail, guess I should wash it today, it’s pretty fluffy!” But now you have actual science behind you!

According to science, you have the fluffiest tails of all the mammals. What an achievement! How did you do it? Also, do you really attack deer and eat their internal organs? Because that is a pretty scary, but also badass, thing to do if it is true.

Enjoy your fluffy tails and I hope you find a deer heart to eat today!

Love, Amy