Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Tag: break ups

An Open Letter To Dunsmuir and Detroit Streets

Dear Dunsmuir and Detroit Streets,

Hey, so I’m the girl who drove down both of you the wrong way last night. I’m really sorry about all of that. I had driven like fifty city miles and another fifty something on the freeways earlier in the day and was just trying to get myself and a friend from All About the Bread back to his house for an evening television extravaganza (and homemade cookies, OR SO I THOUGHT UNTIL I FOUND OUT MY “FRIEND” HAD EATEN THEM ALL LIKE THE LITTLE JERK HE IS). I was in a post-meatball-sub state of mind and there was no parking anywhere. Please forgive me for my wrongdoings. It won’t happen again because the lack of cookies was the final straw and I’ve ended this friendship, leaving me no reason to ever come near you again.

Love, Amy

P.S. Not to damage your sense of self or anything, but who the hell puts one way streets in your part of town?

An Open Letter To Facebook

Dear Facebook,

We both know you and I have a troubled past. We tried our best to make it work and then I broke up with you for a bit in the Fall of 2009. I let you back into my life late last year and things had been going okay. Then a few days ago you decided you would tell me who my “Close Friends” were (boy did you get it wrong) and yesterday you really went crazy. THEN, this morning I got an email from you telling me that you weren’t going to email me anymore. This amused me since you and I had already had a chat during which I asked you to never email me about anything. You have been abiding by the rules and leaving my inbox alone. Everyone seems to be getting really man at you the past few days and while I’m not going to break up with you (we share too much now, mostly the Open Letters and Ready, Set, Gold! pages), I would love if you would go back to not bothering me via email and telling me what I think is interesting. Pretty sure I can figure that out on my own.

Let’s try make the best of this, okay? I believe in us.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Netflix

Dear Netflix,

Go ahead. Raise your prices. See if I care. I plan to watch the last sixty-nine titles in my queue between now and August 31st and then switch my plan to just unlimited one at a time discs. Take that. I will actually be saving money. Two whole dollars a month. AND, Dusty got cable with On Demand so I will be fine. Don’t worry about me.

The only thing I really use the streaming part for is to re-watch seasons one and two of Parks and Recreation on a continuous loop. That part I will probably miss, but by early September, it will be close to the new season and Hulu is cycling through season three so I’ll find a way to survive.

It was fun while it lasted.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Space Shuttle Atlantis

Dear Atlantis,

Today is the 42nd anniversary of the moon landing. You never went to the moon and that’s okay I guess, but wouldn’t it have been fun? You will never get the chance because you are on your last mission. Tomorrow you come home and the shuttle program is done. Gene Cernan is not happy about this. And it really is sad. I played with space shuttle toys as a small child and Erin and I have major space travel plans. I’ve even written short stories about it. Hopefully something new and exciting will come along soon. For now, this article sums thing up nicely and says goodbye.

Love, Amy

THE FUTURE. This Paint masterwork is the sole work of the talented Erin Peck and a direct result of Glencoe High School's fantastic art department instruction.

An Open Letter To the University of Oregon

Dear University of Oregon,

When are you going to stop emailing me?

Look, I went to you because I figured college was what generally came after high school. It came down to you and UPS (“Oh you mean the package delivery company?” HAHAHA yes of course, annoying person! I’ve never heard that joke before!) because, due to a variety of family circumstances, I decided I probably should not run away to the East Coast. You won the big prize (me, obviously. Because unlike Princess Jasmine, in this particular story I was, in fact, a prize to be won.) because you offered more scholarship money in proportion to tuition. So I showed up, lived with Becky, then Becky and Zach, then Zach, then Zach and Jennifer, then myself and then got the hell out of Eugene.

I did not terribly enjoy my time with you – in fact the most fun I had those four years was when I was living in LA for a term. So thanks for letting me get academic credit for that I suppose. Opposite of thank you for still charging me (read: my dear sweet mother) student fees for that term, by the way. How was I supposed to use the rec center and EMU from a different state?

The email you sent that said “Congratulations on earning your Winter 2011 University of Oregon degree!” it has seemed like our relationship has run its course and it would be a good time to quit emailing me about how to get tickets for sporting events and how to stay safe on campus. Actually January 2008 probably would have been the ideal time for that, so really you’re behind schedule, if anything. The only part of you that I remain interested in is the office of Prospect Management and Analytics (which will always be called RPM in my heart) who are the best people on campus, if not in all of Eugene.

Hope you’re doing well and we can hurry up in making this a clean break.

Love, Amy

PS: I’d love to give you that $10 to join the Alumni Association, but I can buy three shrimp tacos for that price. Three! You understand.