Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Tag: celebrity gossip

An Open Letter To Ian Somerhalder

Dear Ian Somerhalder,

On this Valentine’s Day, we all have a lot of important questions for you:

WELLLLLLLL????? Are ya gonna spoil her or what?

Lemme know.

Love, Amy

P.S. Did you ever learn how to spell ‘trebuchet?’ (You’re welcome, Lost fans.)

An Open Letter To Heidi Klum

Dear Heidi,

It’s really too bad about you and Seal getting ready for divorce. Though it doesn’t come as much of a surprise since it seems everyone is getting divorced lately, I never would have thought you two would get in on the fun. Granted, I don’t know either of you, but you always seemed so happy! And your kids are so cute!

Thankfully this wasn’t the most shocking Project Runway related news of the week. That honor goes to all the current All-Stars contestants who spent an hour of television pretending to forget that Miss Piggy is not a real person. I mean, calling her a fashion icon is a stretch, then everyone kept talking about her favorite colors and “great legs” and cocktail dress preferences. The Muppets are great but come on. She is made of felt and her eyes don’t actually work.

I hope everything goes as well as a divorce can and that you come back to Project Runway because your All-Stars replacement, Angela Lindvall, is really the worst.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To People Magazine

Dear People Magazine.

No. You are wrong.

I thought about writing to you about how Ryan Gosling is the sexiest man alive (A FACT HAS NEVER BEEN MORE SOLID), but that really isn’t the issue here. The issue is that Bradley Cooper is not the sexiest man alive. It just isn’t true.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Taylor Swift’s New Kitten

Dear Taylor Swift’s New Kitten,

Oh hello! How cute are you, with your little folded ears?! I hope that every night before bed, T. Swift serenades you with her fun tune, “I’m Only Me When I’m With You” and if she doesn’t, call me right away. I will sing to you every night and buy you toys that look like birds and give you wet food all day long. (And I promise that my bangs will never look like her’s do in this photo.)

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Jeopardy

Dear Jeopardy,

If I was one of your contestants tonight I would be the one pretending to not know any of the answers to the “Celebriteens” category because that is dirty money right there. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Love, Amy

P.S. I actually do not know who Kyle Massey is.