Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Tag: celebrity sightings

An Open Letter To Billy Crystal

Dear Billy Crystal,

You hosted the 84th Academy Awards – I PA’ed them. We were clearly on opposite ends of that particular totem pole, but I had a great time nonetheless. I was kept quite busy, and I’m sure you were too, which is probably why we never ran into each other the entire time I was there. But what are the odds that I would see you in Larchmont days later?

They are likely very slim, but that’s what happened. If you remember me at all from yesterday evening it would be as the girl who was too focused on window-shopping the frozen yogurt place to realize it was you until the guy she was with pointed you out. It baffles me that even though we worked in the same building for a while, I had to go to Larchmont to see you in person, but I’m not convinced anything in life makes sense anyway.

I hope you had a nice night and didn’t eat as much pizza as I did. No one should eat that much pizza.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Taylor Kitsch

Dear Taylor,

Every morning I go to King’s Road. Except last Tuesday. That morning, I was busy and of course, it was the one morning you decide to go. My cousin-roommate, Dustin saw you there and told me all about it, but it just isn’t the same as seeing all your handsome in person.

Tim Riggins was my biggest television crush since I was five and obsessed with Kevin Arnold from The Wonder Years and Friday Night Lights continues to be my favorite drama of all time. I know you were probably only at King’s because you have a big movie coming out and your publicist probably thought there’d be paparazzi nearby, but on the off chance that you fell in love with the coffee and plan on coming back, I really hope to see you. Though it might be for the best. I’m sure I would have embarrassed myself.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Nancy Grace

Dear Nancy,

Hello, it’s me, Amy! You may remember me from all my love letters to Tristan and from about an hour ago on 3rd Street outside Sushi Roku. I was the brown-haired girl walking with the red-haired girl and we were carrying all the Marshall’s bags (I can’t resist a deep discount on designer brands!). Your husband definitely saw us staring.

I’d apologize for the staring, but I don’t really care. In fact I wish you had seen us and asked why we were staring so I could have asked you for Tristan’s phone number. I know you have it. I also have a lot of questions for you:

  • What is it like to dance with/gaze into the eyes of/breathe the same air as/talk with Tristan?
  • Was Tristan at dinner with you? Was he running late? Were you done with dinner and just waiting because he was in the bathroom and you hadn’t said a proper goodbye for the night? If I had waited a couple minutes, would I have seen him with my own eyes?!
  • Did you also think it was funny in the premiere of DWTS when your daughter was caught picking her nose on camera?
  • You looked like maybe you were in work out gear? Are you training for a big dance for the finale?
  • Is Bar Method were you shot some of the footage for the film packages each week?
  • Are you going to be back on 3rd (maybe with Tristan) anytime soon?
  • I live mere blocks from Sushi Roku, would you like to come say hello? I have fancy cheeses and chocolates from my dear, sweet mother that I would be willing to share!
  • Are you looking for 3rd Street restaurant suggestions? Because I highly recommend Plancha Tacos.

Congratulations on making it as far as you did on the show and I hope the sushi was delicious.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Fred Savage

Dear Fred Savage,

I have lived in LA for roughly a year, and spent four or five of those months working on a television show that featured two famous people guests a night. As a result, I have had quite a few celebrity sightings. I sort of freaked out a bit when I saw Tina Fey, but nothing could prepare me for last night.

I was driving home from a day long work event Westchester – at which there was not nearly enough free food – crying because of the lack of food and approximately five other things. So I called Jerry and we met at Peet’s in Larchmont. We were innocently chatting. I was complaining about my day and those five things and then we got down to some serious brainstorming.

All of a sudden I thought I recognized a voice. I turned and it was you. I didn’t even try to be polite, I just interrupted Jerry as rudely as possible because oh my god it was really you. I have never been more starstruck by a celebrity.

See, one of my earliest childhood memories is of freaking out in the bathtub because the bath was going too long and I was going to miss the new episode of The Wonder Years, or as I referred to it, The Kevin Show. It was the highlight of my week. Kevin Arnold was my very first celebrity crush. I really didn’t even know that the song “A Little Help From My Friends” was by The Beatles or in any way significant outside of The Wonder Years until I was probably fifteen. Even then I wasn’t sure I believed it. I wanted to be Winnie. I wanted long straight hair and to be dating Kevin Arnold. I now watch A LOT of television and have a number of shows that I follow devotedly, but The Wonder Years was the one that started it all.

The only photo in the history of photos in which a human is cuter than a puppy.

So imagine my surprise when, as a slightly older child, grown up Kevin Arnold appeared on my second major television obsession, Boy Meets World. THEN when I realized that you were Cory’s real life older brother, I almost couldn’t handle all the information. You Savage boys WERE my childhood and set the stage for my current love of television. So really, it makes so much sense that you have been involved with Party Down, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, and Happy Endings (my love of which you can read all about on Picktainment), three of my current favorite shows.

I literally wrote a paragraph about you for the Picktainment Happy Endings article LAST NIGHT. Less than twenty-four hours later, there you were. For reals. The earliest and most significant pop culture influence of my first ten years of life, right there in the flesh on Larchmont between 1st and Beverly. This was honestly one of the biggest deals of my life in LA so far. I hope you had an enjoyable evening.

Love, Amy

An(other) Open Letter To Jane Lynch

Dear Jane,

Get out of my way.

I do not care one bit that you are hosting the Emmys. If you stand in front of the milk at the King’s Road to go counter and refuse to move because you are too busy waiting for your coffee and composing the perfect ‘look at me I am so very famous and important’ face I am going to tattle on you to Johnny. Than maybe I can get some milk and go home to my bed and last night’s DVRed episode of Project Runway.

Love, Amy