Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Tag: dogs

An Open Letter To The City Of Los Angeles

Dear Los Angeles,

Suggestion: fence in the Hollywood Hills so that Curious can run free.

Get that leash off of her.

Love, Amy

P.S. This solution provides the added bonus of keeping all the tourists out of the hills and eliminates the chance that they might tell Jerry how to live on his own property and what he should or should not be doing with his dogs.

P.P.S. Isn’t she the prettiest dog?

An(other) Open Letter To Commissary Coffee

Dear Commissary Coffee,

Look, I like you guys. Everyone who works at you is fantastic, the Egg Slut is almost always parked outside if I need a snack and your free WiFi works at a nice speed. But yesterday I ran into a serious issue. I don’t mean to be bossy (or judgmental but I’m totally going to be so get ready), but in the future please DO NOT allow people who have the following conversations to buy coffee from you and then sit at a table close enough to me that I can hear them (these are all exact quotes I dictated them because I could not believe my ears).

Conversation 1 (about the giant dog at another table nearby) –
Girl: I’ve got a dog that’s like sixty pounds.
Boy 1: Fer real? That’s f**kin’ heavy what you doin with that? He take care of you?

Conversation 2 (about recent film The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo) –
Boy 1: I thought the whole thing was gonna be hella crazy but then it just wasn’t. I mean it was a sexy movie though.
Boy 2: Aren’t they doin another one?
Boy 1: Yeah man there’s three books the next one is like ‘The Girl with Some Other Sh*t.’ Books are always better than the movie they probably rushed that sh*t to get it to two hours.
Girl: Yeah.
Boy 1: Like, I didn’t like they tried to make a parallel to the social welfare guy raping Mara Rooney and the dad raping the daughter before and it just didn’t work.

Conversation 3 (about Coachella) –
Boy 1: It’s three days two times! There’s two weekends that sold out in three hours.
Boy 2: Sh*t man, I’d be hella inta goin.
Boy 1: Yeah I’m down we shoulda got tickets it’s a hella lineup.
Boy 2: Honestly, Radiohead’s gonna kill it.

Conversation 4 (about a neightborhood in LA, I didn’t catch which one exactly) –
Girl: I mean, I didn’t mind livin there.
Boy 1: It was a good place geographically. Errythin was like ten twenty minutes and sh*t. I mean there’s something fun about the ghetto.

First of all, learn some new words other than “hella” and “sh*t.” Second, her name is Rooney Mara. Third, dogs don’t take care of people, even sixty pound ones. Fourth, there are actually three weekends of Coachella. Fifth, the word “everything” has a ‘V’ in it.

The only thing that made you letting these people near me worse was that right after I left you, I went to Plancha and EVEN WORSE people were there having a loud obnoxious conversation. None of my safe places are safe anymore and I’m scared, please help me.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Thor

Dear Thor,

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU ARE THIS CUTE?

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Curious

Dear Curious,

You are the most beautiful dog of all the dogs.

It isn’t even a contest. Jerry took this photo of you and surely anyone who didn’t already love you now does. Let’s go on a hike together soon.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Uncle Jerry

Dear Jerry,

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. I hope that while you are reading this you are enjoying a delicious meal up in Berkeley. My stomach wants to be there with you.

Things down here have been going just fine. Dusty has been slogging through the terrible customer service that surrounds hooking up a washer and dryer, I have been watching A LOT of Dexter. To the point that when I got out of the car at our local Taco Bell, I actually paused for a second thinking that the red flecks in the stone wall around the dumpster were blood and I someone should call Miami Metro ASAP. Curious misses you like crazy and spends her days and nights wandering from one end of the house to the other whining nonstop. Her itching is cured, but was apparently passed on to me thanks to the numerous bug bites all over my legs.

Still no job but I do have two freelance writing projects and am going to do those two days a week in Joanna’s casting office, starting tomorrow. So that’s something.

I saw Horrible Bosses with that boy (you know the one) and did the research you requested. We’ll discuss when you’re back.

It has also been very hot. I long for the days when Blackburn Station was freezing.

Love, Amy

P.S. Tell Meme I miss her and it doesn’t feel like home without her tapping all up and down the hallway.