Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Tag: fashion

An Open Letter To Women Wearing Heels At IKEA

Dear Women Wearing Heels at IKEA,

Did you not know that you were coming to IKEA when you got dressed? Or did you think you were only going to buy a cheese grater and maybe a decorative vase instead of a bed and a sofa?

I cannot imagine you being comfortable wrangling all those boxes in four-inch heels. IKEA is for sneakers. Save the fashion for brunch.

Love, Amy


An Open Letter To Emannuelle Khanh 8080

Dear Emmanuelle Khanh 8080,

I would like to extend a formal invitation to you.

You are cordially invited to join me for the duration of my life journey. A lot of the time will be spent with you lying in repose on my desk while I lie in bed in whatever the happy medium between repose and full on nap is, making a valiant effort to write. Someday maybe we’ll meet a nice gentleman and settle down with him and his own classy shades, but until then its just us girls.

Are you in? It has to be your call because for me to make it happen will cost somewhere between $450 and $500 depending on sales tax. Please contact me at your earliest convenience.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Kim Kardashian’s Leggings

Dear Kim Kardashian’s Leggings,

It is not Kim who is brave; it is you. You are dragged out any number of mornings by Kim and made to be closer to her than any man ever has (which is obviously saying something). You spend the day with her. She likely sweats in you. Fingers crossed that her period doesn’t start while you’re on (gross I know, but someone had to acknowledge just how perilous your working conditions are).

Yes, there are perks. You get to travel and see the world. But it’s not really a vacation – you’re working overtime. You get to meet lots of other famous people, go to Laker games, tapings of Dancing With the Stars, and photo shoots galore. You are truly living the glamorous life.

But then there are those days that sweet Kim is fighting with a former bestie, arguing with her mother, or listening to her sisters’ problems. Kim leads a drama filled life and you poor, innocent leggings have to just tune it out and pretend that everything is okay. You are the one who has to be strong and smile like you mean it in the face of true, Kardashian adversity. Let’s not forget the divorce. Mommy and Daddy fought and fell out of love, with you standing by: the silent sufferer.

And those days you stay home are even worse. Not only do you have to deal with the rejection of not being chose for the day’s outings, but you have to lie at home, in the dark recesses of Kim’s surely massive closet and face your insecurities. You are not a Louboutin cheeta print heel; you are not a Marchesa gown; you are not a $500 pair of designer jeans; you are just you. Just simple black leggings. But don’t let your closet mates get you down. Be strong! You are a closet staple and a fashion necessity for every young woman. Without you, what would one wear to move her car for street cleaning at the crack of dawn? What would one wear for late night CVS runs? It is only you who are trusted with the information that sometimes we buy candy and nail polish and french bread pizzas in times of true desperation.

So fear not. You may not get the recognition you deserve, and yes, even I have chastised you in the past (and likely will again in the future – ours is a love hate relationship based on circumstantial need). In a perfect world, you would only ever be worn under a cute dress or a long top, but it isn’t a perfect world, is it? Thank you for all that you do.

Love, Amy

P.S. Thank you Huffington Post for this photo and headline. It’s something special.

P.P.S. To learn more about the leggings as pants phenomenon, please click here.

An Open Letter To This Unicorn

Dear Unicorn,

I have a lot of questions.

How much fun are you having?! Did you ever think that you’d be walking the runway at Fashion Week? Or walking any kind of runway in case this isn’t actually at Fashion Week (I’m too lazy to check, sorry). Did you help this gal find her cool blue lipstick? Did you see either (or maybe both) of the Olsen twins during this particular period of your life? How are you staying up on that dress? Are you sewn in? Hot glue? Buttons? Magic?

I don’t mean to bombard you, I’m just very surprised to see you here. I also love what you’ve done with your mane and tail.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To ModCloth’s Cartography Degree Dress

Dear Cartography Degree Dress,

The geography minor in me wants to love you so, so much, but the part of me that doesn’t want to wear a sack can’t summon the emotion. A great idea squandered. Maybe in another life.

Love, Amy