Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Tag: Harry Potter

An Open Letter To ABC Family

Dear ABC Family,

I’m all for your “25 Days of Christmas” special, but I am very confused as to why you spent one of those days on the Harry Potter movies. Yes, there is a Yule Ball in Goblet of Fire and some Christmas scenes here and there in some of the other films, but they are in no way ‘Christmas’ movies. Did you just run out of actual Christmas/holiday movies? Maybe you could just show the Growing Pains Christmas special on a loop for one of the days? That would make more sense than Harry. I am left only to assume that you are helping with The Deathly Hallows’ Oscar campaign and are showing the other films so that Academy voters will remember how terrible some of the early films were, making Hallows look Oscar-worthy by comparison.

In any case, I love me some HP, so I hope you don’t think I’m mad at you. Just confused.

Love, Amy

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An Open Letter To Richard Roeper

Dear Richard,

In all the BluRay release madness and awards season advertising, let’s all (you included) take a moment to remember that Harry Potter was books first. Yes, a couple of the movies were pretty good films in their own right, but they are nothing without the books.

Thanks a million.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To The Gamer Boys In Starbucks

Dear Gamer Boys,

Hi. I’m sitting behind you. The one of you wearing glasses can see that I’m here and is maybe catching on to the fact that I keep accidentally staring. Sorry.

You are playing either a mafia or Harry Potter game, I can’t tell because you keep switching the conversation back and forth between both topics. Glasses Gamer’s coffee is too sweet. I’ve been there, that’s rough. Sorry about that too.

Upon closer inspection, you are both wearing glasses. The above references were to the one of you who didn’t bring his own mouse mad and wireless mouse. Now I’ll have to refer to you as Tanner, because I am 95% sure that you could be the shorter identical twin brother of the guy named Tanner who lived on the boys floor of my dorm at UO. I think actual Tanner might have gotten married, in which case, congrats, actual Tanner.

Okay. Now it sounds like you are planning to kill Voldemort. Judging by the one screen I can see, you are in the Forbidden Forest and Voldy is upping his defenses so you are now showcasing your flexibility skills and sparing him, but killing someone else (a Death Eater, I assume). Now there is a role switch? I don’t even know that that is.

Wait now I get it. There are two games. HP and some mafia thing (I did a little research and I think it is this). I’m really impressed that you are playing at a Starbucks instead of in a basement somewhere. I mean, if I was on trial for a conspiracy against the town I would probably just stay home and cry so good job facing your troubles head on in public. You also both look relatively normal, well-adjusted, and recently bathed. You have forever changed my perception of gamer boys.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II

Dear Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II,

I know the other HP movies have probably told you that you will meet Erin and me at the Cornelius 9 movie theater at tomorrow at midnight, but we have had to make other arrangements. See, between when your book was published and the present day, Erin and I went to college and moved away. Now she even has a job! We live in different cities and it just wasn’t going to happen for us to stick to the usual plan. Instead, Bridger and I will be meeting up with you on Saturday night at The Grove. We will be bringing tissues for the major tears that will certainly be happening. Based on the trailers and things I’ve heard, you are all sorts of awesome, as you well should be. Can’t wait to see you.

Love, Amy