Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Tag: Parks and Recreation

An Open Letter to Parks and Recreation

Dear Parks and Recreation,

I don’t think I am ready for this. I thought maybe it would be fine, because, whatever, you’re just a TV show and I am a grown adult human person. What’s the worst that could happen when you finally go off the air? It’ll probably be okay for a week or so. House of Cards will be on Netflix just a few days after your series finale and Vikings is back and also I think I solved the mystery of how to watch the new season of Broad City. (it is just on Hulu! So easy!)

But here is the thing about that: those shows aren’t you.

Because you are different. You are my favorite fictional people in one of my favorite fictional worlds. I love it all. I love Perd and Andy and Leslie and Joan and even that brat Greg Pikitis. You are a delight and even at your worst you are some of my favorite television in the history of all television I have ever seen (and I have seen a great deal of television; just ask Jon about the other day when we turned on the Apple TV and I had to quickly explain all those episodes of Friends with the little check next to them on the Netflix, or my old DVR, which faithfully held on to every rerun of The Mary Tyler Moore Show that aired during our time together).

I don’t really know how to describe it. You are just lovely. You’re like a best friend that you don’t really remember meeting for the first time, but who has always been there. You have made me laugh and cry at the same time more than any other piece of media. Those other shows are great too. I love watching them. But those shows aren’t comforting and wonderful in the same way that you are. You are just the greatest little television show and sometime in mid-April I will probably have a moment where I’m all “well, I guess this is the Saturday where I spend the entire day rewatching the entire series, pretending I haven’t seen it before,” just to relive the fun.

So thank you for all the magic and the fun and the Johnny Karate episode and Galentine’s Day and all of Leslie’s best friend nicknames for Ann and their awesome female friendship in general and drawing attention to the importance of breakfast food. Thank you for Lucy Lawless and Louis CK’s guest appearances. Thank you for that Twilight fan who handcuffed himself to that pipe (I think it was a pipe, maybe a chair?) in Leslie’s office. Thank you for Leslie’s binders and Lil Sebastian and for when The Decemberists performed. Thank you for Ben’s Letters to Cleo t-shirt and Cones of Dunshire and all of Leslie’s lines in the scene where Ben sat on the Iron Throne. Thank you for Shauna Malwae-Tweep, Ethel Beavers, Jean-Ralphio, Mona Lisa, Craig, Orin, Champion, and for the excellent arc of Andy and April’s relationship. Thank you for the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness and for Ron Swanson in general. Thank you for all of Leslie’s dress shirts, especially those with fun patterns and also for that time she and Ben dressed up as Princess Buttercup and Wesley. God, thank you for just everything, okay?

I will keep watching all the television because there are lots of fun stories to watch and interesting characters to grow with. But I can’t imagine another show coming along anytime soon that is quite like you, with your wit, smart writing, and cleverness. Also thank you for life wisdom such as this:

“We have to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. But work has to come third.”

Love, Amy

P.S. During season two (or maybe three, whatever, it was early-ish on), a guy I was dating said, “I just feel like Parks and Rec has never done one single joke,” and man, did I get so mad. That relationship did not work out, and I believe that our fundamental disagreement about your quality was an early indication of our inherent differences as people. Maybe that is overstating it, but I do not care.

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An Open Letter To Rashida Jones

Dear Rashida,

I think you might be the best actress of all time. I realized this on Thursday night, while watching the new episode of Parks and Rec. Here is the text I sent a friend:

Which is crazy. I have watched every episode of Parks a billion times in the last year. It is one of the only shows I watch on actual TV during its actual broadcast time, instead of waiting for it to come on Hulu and I still can’t remember that you’re in it. You are Ann. Rashida Jones ceases to exist in my head. There may also be some residual “why is this lady dating Jim Halpert and I am not?” baggage left over from season three of The Office, but that’s a completely different discussion.

I’ve said it probably hundreds of times before, but Parks really is the best show. I can’t agree more with what The AV Club said “…all the show needs to do to succeed is create that swelling feeling in your heart that comes when you round the corner and head for home, the sense that everything is going to be okay as long as you’re here.” You all do such a great job at that, and you specifically are apparently the best at making me forget reality and the fact that you, Rashida Jones (not Ann), are a working actress. I’ll try to remember you more in the future.

Love, Amy

P.S. I apologize for anything I ever said about your bangs when you were on The Office.

An Open Letter To My Facebook Friends

Dear Facebook Friends,

I’m going to spare you a lot of time and energy so get ready to shower thanks upon me. Instead of letting Hulu tell Facebook (and thus all of you) what I’ve been watching I’ll write a summary right here, right now:

I watched every available episode of Parks and Recreation an average of six times each and occasionally started the new episode of Modern Family before remembering that I had it on on the actual TV the night before while I was doing dishes.

Yes, I realize this is a lot of times.

Now you know. Please express your thanks in Plancha Pesos, remembering that a Tiger Taco costs $3.25.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Beyonce’s Unborn Child

Dear Beyonce’s Unborn Child,

Just watched Katie Couric interview your mom on 20/20. While I still can’t handle the fact that you are in there, swimmin’ around and everyone is just going along as if this is totally normal and not the weirdest thing ever, I will pretend to be okay with the idea of babies for this letter.

First, please let your mom know that I’m sorry Couric was so overly enthusiastic about things, and even leaned in closer when asking if Beyonce really does crave all those weird foods. Lady needed to calm down, am I right? I bet you could see her teeth flashing against the lights as she smiled wider than even Julia Roberts (she’s “that toothy girl from Mystic Pizza,” don’t worry, you’ll learn) does. I’m also really sorry that Couric just went ahead and rubbed the baby bump without asking for permission. Talk about a lack of boundaries. Try not to be too scarred by that, you’ll be okay.

Second, what’s it like for you when she dances? I mean, she was still doing concerts for a little while you were in there. I guessing you were shaken around a bit. Are you going to be born with a natural dancing talent as a result? I hope so.

Third, I am preemptively jealous of all the sweet clothes and shoes your rich parents are going to buy you.

Finally, Couric kept talking about how your mom’s bestie, Kelly Rowland, has referred to you as a she. I beg to differ. Your mom is keeping it quiet, but every time this came up she put her finger to her chin and said “hmmmm.” On that finger was a giant blue ring and it was accompanied by a ton of other blue jewelry, so you are obviously a boy. I’m calling it right now.

Love, Amy

P.S. Someday you will also learn that Parks and Recreation is the best television show ever made and will find the Parks reference in this letter. I won’t spoil the surprise for you. It’s a good one.

An Open Letter To Louis CK

Dear Louis CK,

I didn’t think Parks and Recreation could get any better, but oh my god you are making my dreams come true.

Love, Amy