Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Tag: science

An Open Letter To Two Boys I Know

Dear You Two Boys,

I AM VINDICATED.

Finally a scientific study confirms what I’ve always told you. You can both read it and weep. I always knew I had a killer “pre-parking pose.”

You both must be SO embarrassed.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To This Squid And This Octopus

Dear Onychoteuthis banksii squid and Japetella heathi octopus,

How hard would it be to have one of you as a pet?

Animals like you guys are why science in general and biology specifically is so awesome. I wish my nervous system could control what color I am and that I could shoot light from my stomach. That is kick ass.

Love, Amy

P.S. Maybe I will be a “visual ecologist” when I grow up. What do you think? Want to be friends?

An Open Letter To Linda Wolf

Dear Ms. Wolf,

I bet you don’t remember me. I took your Advanced Biology class and Glencoe High School during the 2005-2006 school year. We went birding (I distinctly remember you yelling “Look! A snowy egret!!” from the bus). We raised chickens. We schlepped in the wetlands out behind the track. We went to the SWRP Summit at the University of Portland and made eloquent, engaging, scientifically accurate presentations ate cookies behind the poster hoping the judges wouldn’t see us while Brittany explained our research. It was loads of fun. It was also great that we had it first period, meaning that on those fateful pond schlepping days, we spent the rest of the day smelling like wetlands. Very sexy.

These are some badass birds.

Looking back now, it really was a fun class and we did a lot of interesting things that I exaggerated greatly on college applications and resumes. So thanks for that. You were definitely a little nuts at times, but I learned a lot. Now, my dear sweet baby sister is in your Honors Biology class and I certainly hope you are being nice to her. Walker is. Feel free to go ask him for tips if you need any. Maybe start by giving her an A on her essay, “Should We Save the Red Knot Bird?” which she was writing for you last night. Then perhaps you could assign more lab reports instead of essays, being that you are teaching Biology. I can honestly say that my science classes at Glencoe in no way prepared me to write actual lab reports in college. The only lab report writing skills I took with me to UO came from my seventh grade science teacher, Ms. Kottkey. Even Erin agrees with me and her degree was in engineering. You’ve got some work to do, lady.

Love, Amy

P.S. I was catching up on Hillsboro news the other day and found this. Seems like it would be right up your alley.

An Open Letter To The People Doing This Research

Dear People Doing This Research,

Let me make it easy for you: the answer is yes.

Of course introducing a creative storytelling element will make science class more fun. Are you kidding? The only reason I got through Accelerated Chemistry in high school was because Erin and I (and probably some combination of Jennifer/Becky/etc.) covered our periodic tables in cartoon drawings, used Star Wars for as many of our applications as we could and invented a secret past life for Dr. Scholl’s mustache. Without all that it would have been misery. I still have the drawing Erin did for me on the day we made “ice cream.” And atomic radii would have never made any sense to me unless I had made a forest out of them. I don’t care what your fancy research eventually says, the answer is yes.

Love, Amy