Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Tag: Tristan MacManus

An(other) Open Letter To Tristan MacManus

Dear Tristan,

I’m really sorry that I haven’t written to you yet for the new season of Dancing With the Stars. If you can’t ever forgive me for my tardiness, I understand but I sincerely hope that you can find it in your sweet Irish heart to give me another chance. Whether you can or cannot, my love for you will never end, so know that I am always here for you.

Let’s pretend for a moment that you have forgiven me and that all is right between us. In that case, I have to congratulate you on making it through another week with Gladys. It would have been a real life tragedy if she had been sent home before Motown Week and everyone knows it. I can’t wait to see what kind of sweet moves you have in store for that sweet lady.

Speaking of how sweet she is, I am so glad that this season I can watch your segments without having to suffer through anything involving Nancy Grace. It’s great that you have a partner I actually like this season. Watching her dance can be a bit painful at times, but you two seem to have a ton of fun and at least aren’t as creepy as whatever’s going on between Roshon and Chelsie or Maria and Derek (the latter pair really needs to knock it off and someone tell Maria to take a calcium pill or something to keep the rest of her bones from shattering to pieces).

Best of luck on Motown Week and please, please, don’t ever learn to keep your tongue in your mouth.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Nancy Grace

Dear Nancy,

Hello, it’s me, Amy! You may remember me from all my love letters to Tristan and from about an hour ago on 3rd Street outside Sushi Roku. I was the brown-haired girl walking with the red-haired girl and we were carrying all the Marshall’s bags (I can’t resist a deep discount on designer brands!). Your husband definitely saw us staring.

I’d apologize for the staring, but I don’t really care. In fact I wish you had seen us and asked why we were staring so I could have asked you for Tristan’s phone number. I know you have it. I also have a lot of questions for you:

  • What is it like to dance with/gaze into the eyes of/breathe the same air as/talk with Tristan?
  • Was Tristan at dinner with you? Was he running late? Were you done with dinner and just waiting because he was in the bathroom and you hadn’t said a proper goodbye for the night? If I had waited a couple minutes, would I have seen him with my own eyes?!
  • Did you also think it was funny in the premiere of DWTS when your daughter was caught picking her nose on camera?
  • You looked like maybe you were in work out gear? Are you training for a big dance for the finale?
  • Is Bar Method were you shot some of the footage for the film packages each week?
  • Are you going to be back on 3rd (maybe with Tristan) anytime soon?
  • I live mere blocks from Sushi Roku, would you like to come say hello? I have fancy cheeses and chocolates from my dear, sweet mother that I would be willing to share!
  • Are you looking for 3rd Street restaurant suggestions? Because I highly recommend Plancha Tacos.

Congratulations on making it as far as you did on the show and I hope the sushi was delicious.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Katie Couric

Dear Katie,

I couldn’t let much more time pass before I addressed this:

I have a couple questions:

  1. Who would your ideal partner be? I think you should stick with your journalist/TV person peer Nancy Grace and request Tristan MacManus. Although, you likely won’t be able to focus given how handsome he is. His handsome will even get you to the final five when your dance wasn’t that great (we can both agree that Nancy should be sending him multiple gift baskets for pulling her through this week, right?).
  2. How long do you think it will be before you are using a walker? I’m willing to bet DWTS will still be on long after that happens – season 68 is probably not unlikely.
  3. You only spelled “enuf” that way because of the Twitter 140 character limit, right?
  4. Just how sweaty are you? And if you really do watch it, you should know you have nothing to worry about. If there was “enuf” for Chas, there will be “enuf” for you.

Have a wonderful rest of your day and if you do get partnered up with Tristan someday, feel free to hire me as your DWTS-specific assistant.

Love, Amy

An(other) Open Letter To Tristan MacManus

Dear Tristan,

After the season premiere of Dancing With the Stars, I wrote this to you.

You clearly didn’t take my advice of the ‘Nancy’s outfits’ front, given the wardrobe malfunction that happened during her quickstep, and for some reason, you are not yet my boyfriend. But my love for you is still strong, my dear Tristan. After the many ways in which your handsomeness was on display last week, I am waiting VERY impatiently for this coming Monday night. What kind of sexy dancing will you be doing? Will we see your tattoo again? Will your outfit for the dance result in visible chest hair? These are the important questions for the American television audience today. All my love and hugs and kisses to you.

It's almost too much to handle.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Harold Wheeler

Dear Harold Wheeler,

Do you need another clarinetist for the Dancing With the Stars orchestra? Because if you need me, I will have my mom ship both of mine to me (I have two, a plastic one for marching band and a wooden one for symphonic band because I was that hardcore) and really quick teach myself how to play it again. I’m sure it will come right back even though I technically haven’t played it since early 2006. And really you could say since early 2005, which is when I really checked out of high school band. Had I known that I could have possibly played for you and been on the same stage as Tristan MacManus two nights a week, I definitely would have stuck with it. That guy gets more handsome by the week! Let me know when you’d like me to have those clarinets sent down. I might need a bit of extra advance notice to make sure that they are playable – I know for a fact that one of them still has a used reed on the mouthpiece. I’m willing to bet there’s a fair amount of mold involved there, but I am happy to take care of it if it means being closer to marrying the handsome, handsome Tristan. Talk to you soon.

Love, Amy