Open Letters Love Amy

Because the Internet is easier than buying stamps and I will just lose your zip code anyway.

Tag: twitter

An Open Letter To Ericka AKA Pedro

Dear Ericka AKA Pedro,

You’re the best, never change.

Love, Amy

P.S. Bonus mini open letter to King TJ 2.0: no boy has ever sent me one of those am I dating the wrong kind of boy or are all boys cheating on me all the time please answer quickly? Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Twitter

Dear Twitter,

Shooting 50% from the field it looks like:

I am VERY interested in half of these things. I’ll let you figure out which one. (Hint: there are single digit posts about sports on this blog but the other day I, in public, picked all the cheese off of the paper my breakfast sandwich was wrapped in and ate it.)

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Katie Couric

Dear Katie,

I couldn’t let much more time pass before I addressed this:

I have a couple questions:

  1. Who would your ideal partner be? I think you should stick with your journalist/TV person peer Nancy Grace and request Tristan MacManus. Although, you likely won’t be able to focus given how handsome he is. His handsome will even get you to the final five when your dance wasn’t that great (we can both agree that Nancy should be sending him multiple gift baskets for pulling her through this week, right?).
  2. How long do you think it will be before you are using a walker? I’m willing to bet DWTS will still be on long after that happens – season 68 is probably not unlikely.
  3. You only spelled “enuf” that way because of the Twitter 140 character limit, right?
  4. Just how sweaty are you? And if you really do watch it, you should know you have nothing to worry about. If there was “enuf” for Chas, there will be “enuf” for you.

Have a wonderful rest of your day and if you do get partnered up with Tristan someday, feel free to hire me as your DWTS-specific assistant.

Love, Amy

An Open Letter To Danny Zuker

Dear Danny,

You might have the best Twitter of all time. Your tweets make me laugh even harder than Modern Family does, which is quite impressive. I follow about 60 people, which I think is not very many so maybe this doesn’t mean much, but you are the most entertaining of the bunch. I also think that, based on your tweets, you and I would get along really well. Examples:

  • “Based on the way I’m coping with this minor leg rash I don’t think I will be one of those inspirational dying people.” You have no idea how many hours I spent on WebMD trying to identify the fifteen bug bites I had about a month ago. Was convinced I had this even though I live in LA, not the Midwest and didn’t have any of the symptoms. 2% of cases are fatal!
  • “It’s hot enough to fry a climate change denier on the sidewalk.” I have a degree in Environmental Studies so I can explain to you why this is true. Or would be able to if I hadn’t taken all the science classes pass/fail and instead of doing homework watched every single episode of The Larry Sanders Show on Netflix.
  • “I always have a brief moment of panic whenever I hear a siren in the middle of the night or have to spell “Wednesday.”” For me, it’s ‘rhythm,’ but same basic idea. Where are you even supposed to begin when there are no vowels?
  • “I never look more guilty of stealing a credit card than when a person checks my i.d. when I charge something.” I had enough problems with this as a PA that the Production Manager typed up a letter saying I was allowed to use the show AmEx card.
  • “Always takes my brain a second to realize I’m looking at a picture of Rebekah Brooks and not some lesser known faculty member at Hogwarts.” Agreed. And Hogwarts jokes are my favorite kind of jokes.

Please don’t ever stop tweeting or writing funny television. I’d be so sad.

Love, Amy

P.S. I wrote one of these to Craig Ferguson once and he gave me a job on his show. I am in a similar sort of unemployed state right now. Your move.

P.P.S. Good job on the Emmy front.